Do not expect anything from anyone - this is a golden rule that I have followed for many years now. It saves one from a lot of pain and hurt sentiments. You expect something from other people - and when they fail to fulfil it, intentionally or unintentionally, you get hurt. No amount of words or self-consolation can soothe the pain that you have thus inflicted upon yourself. So, the best possible way is not to have expectations of anyone else.
Keeping this in mind, I have not kept any expectations when providing help to people, even though going out of my way at times. Many of them were very friendly while they were in the need of my help. As their need reduced and finally ended, so did the amiability. I felt good earlier, and now I feel sad, about the state of things.
This is undoubtedly a very natural process. With the fast-paced lifestyles and ambitious gaols, people do not have much time to socialize without a purpose. Since I realize this, my state of mind causes me to seek an answer.
Am I expecting something that I consciously do not realize?
What was it that I felt happy about earlier? Was it the peace of mind induced by a harmonious existence with your fellow beings and camaraderie brought about by exchange of friendly banter? Was it the feeling of confidence or self-importance arising from "being able" to help?
And what makes me unhappy now? Is it the loss of camaraderie [can perhaps be viewed as a limited case of a "broken relationship"?] Is it a feeling of having been manipulated?
Bringing these thoughts from the sub-conscious to the conscious mind was not an easy task. It was still difficult to put them in words. And it is going to be further difficult, if not impossible, to find the right answer.
Keeping this in mind, I have not kept any expectations when providing help to people, even though going out of my way at times. Many of them were very friendly while they were in the need of my help. As their need reduced and finally ended, so did the amiability. I felt good earlier, and now I feel sad, about the state of things.
This is undoubtedly a very natural process. With the fast-paced lifestyles and ambitious gaols, people do not have much time to socialize without a purpose. Since I realize this, my state of mind causes me to seek an answer.
Am I expecting something that I consciously do not realize?
What was it that I felt happy about earlier? Was it the peace of mind induced by a harmonious existence with your fellow beings and camaraderie brought about by exchange of friendly banter? Was it the feeling of confidence or self-importance arising from "being able" to help?
And what makes me unhappy now? Is it the loss of camaraderie [can perhaps be viewed as a limited case of a "broken relationship"?] Is it a feeling of having been manipulated?
Bringing these thoughts from the sub-conscious to the conscious mind was not an easy task. It was still difficult to put them in words. And it is going to be further difficult, if not impossible, to find the right answer.
10 comments:
Quoting Bhagavadgita :- "Karmanye eva adhikaraste, ma phaleshu kadachana, ma karmaphalahetur bhur, ma te sango stva akarmani"
"You have a right only on your actions, not on their outcomes. Your goal should never be the outcome. Let there be no desire for inaction"
@Pijush: It is not the 'karma' I am talking of, and it is not the 'phala' either. I mentioned that I did not have much expectation to begin with.
The question is about human emotions - why do we feel what we do.
I have similar views, Sigma. Such things happen with me also but if I feel sad, it is mostly due to the 'loss of camaradrie' as you've mentioned. The other person is not like s/he was before and hence whenever you meet him/her, you too can't be as you were before(at least for that person) and may be that hurts!
I think when one makes a conscious decision of not having expectations from others, one is generally aware that the risk of getting manipulated is high!
Most times, my sadness over these things is temporary. Hope that's the same with you!
Same feelings here as well.
Even though we would like to tell our sub-conscious mind not to expect anything, we somehow end up doing the same.
Yes,it is a feeling of having been manipulated grossly and that's what it hurts.
The rule is to remember which we don't generally do "Expectations lead to Frustrations".
Anything serious ? Why such thoughts?
@Lezib : Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Concious decision of not having expectations is an acknowledgement of the risk of being manipulated - ya, that is another aspect of this whole thing. I had not interpreted it this way.
I also agree that these are 'local minima' - momentary low points - in the graph of life. I'll tide over these thoughts soon too :-)
@Cuckoo: Thanks for sharing your perspective too. Sometimes it happens that you realize that you are being manipulated, but you cannot do anything about it - out of courtesy, or your own lack of spite. But that doesnt deter you from feeling bad.
Nothing serious. Just a temporary phase. Thanks for your concern.
I got your point Sigma, but in a way the explanation holds. Yes sometime expectation from others hurts, often happens with me also; but that how the complex equation is installed in our brain :-)
We have bear with it
Just for a different explanation you can have a look in this link http://www.lifebliss.org/beunclutched.asp
Your thoughts turning grey and deep shade of dk grey.
You still won't let me call it Black...
You are not expecting , I am offering...
still I go empty handed....!!
- Hey , I am sure you will seek the "path" , just follow your heart. Take deep breath everytime you feel dejected, How much we condition our mind to think that " NO expectation " level - its actually the heart which get quashed.
Its totally natural and we are not saint not to walk that path of asking our mind and heart on why we feel what we feel.
I would say people those who value the words/ rightness of situtation will always be asking and questioning thy innerself....!
ps - 2nd week of June, most welcome to join for a trip to mountains.....!!
@Pijush: Thanks for the link. The words of the learned men, the ones who have touched their inner self, are pure and motivating. But somehow I prefer to talk and discuss things with ordinary people, like you and me, who still have those fears and anxieties of ordinary life, who have not conquered all the feelings and desires.
I disagree. It is not just a complex equation - it is a NP - hard problem :-D
@BTR: lovely lines... whose ?
Yes - that is one of the questions - why do we feel what we do?
Perhaps because a complete detachment is beyond the capabilities of mere mortals - that is why we are not all saints.
To the mountains!! Wow!! Where to this time?!
I am not jesting. Seriously, do tell me how do you manage to take off for new places so often ?
Shukraan for appreciating my scribble....bus kuch sangat hi aisi hai ki....apne aap shabd kavita mein tabdil ho rahein hain...lol...!
Byeee...!!
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